It’s my favourite time of year. More so than summer, more than Christmas. Actually it’s like both of those rolled into one month, four times a year. It’s fashion month! More specifically it’s Women’s Spring/Summer 2018. In case you don’t understand how it works, in September designers show what we’ll be wearing next spring and summer and in February they show what we’ll be wearing for fall winter, but that’s just for womenswear (I won’t confuse you with the menswear schedule just yet).
After a week in New York, and another in London, the fashion pack has moved on to Milan. Day One was very interesting to say the least, between Gucci’s multi-layered and cinematic collection with references to the 80s, space, Elton John, and Disney. Alberta Ferretti gave us languid luxury and Francesco Scognamiglio channeled romantic punk vamp with black lace and dark florals.
Now, when I see a collection come down the runway I always ask myself two questions. WHO will wear this? WHERE will they wear this? More specifically I pose this question in relation to Monaco. I mean surely there will be someone that will want to wear Gucci’s crystal embellished windbreaker set while walking their dog down the avenue Princesse Grace. (Me…)
So being the creative genius I am (kidding) I’ve imagined the kind of woman that will be buying these pieces next spring, where she will go and what she will do. This is my Milan Fashion Week Monaco Edit.
THE POOL EDIT
Alberta Ferretti’s black one-piece bathing suit is simple but still luxurious. This woman knows she’s sexy but doesn’t need to be overt about it. She’s ready to spend her day poolside with a freshly-squeezed juice and a good book while continuously judging everybody.
Cristiano Burani’s bodysuit screams sport and whispers sex. This woman has probably just got out of yoga or kickboxing and has a few hours before she jogs to pick up the kids from school (part-time nanny) so she’ll catch some sun with a few good girlfriends in the mean time because tanning beds are unhealthy.
Francesco Scognamiglio’s crystal applique bikini and dark floral bomber look is perfect for the social media obsessed set. This woman brought two pink inflatable flamingos in the back of her Bentley and has taught her kids how to take perfect pictures of her for her 50K+ Instagram followers.
THE LUNCH ON YOUR BEST FRIEND’S YACHT EDIT
This Cristiano Burani floral one-piece and long blue vinyl pleated skirt paired together is for an ironic woman with a sense of humour about her. She doesn’t have time to change out of one outfit into another on the boat, there are bottles of Rosé to get into. Lucky for her, her skirt is waterproof.
This sporty little mini dress by Byblos in nautical colours is for that no fuss and no frills kinda girl. Pockets on the front so she can hide her phone in between checking how fast an Uber can get to the port so she can get away from her best friend’s drunk husband.
This N°21 outfit is most likely worn by that friend you love to hate. She can wear an oversized bomber jacket in summer and still look mad bomb. Her body is snatched (lingo snatched means amazing) because her trainer works out Victoria Secret Angels but she doesn’t flaunt it because she cares about her less-fit friends. A midi skirt says I’m a wife not a girlfriend but it’s sheer so she wants you to believe that she’s not as boring as she really is.
MY SINGLE FRIEND DRAGGED ME TO BUDDHA BAR EDIT
This champagne coloured paillette shift dress by Alberta Ferretti needed an occasion to get some air. Its owner is happily married and even more happy to have her driver chauffeur her and her girlfriends around Monaco for drinks in her newly returned Rolls Royce (she scratched the side trying to park at Monte Carlo Beach herself). The dress sets off her St- Tropez tan nicely and she is enjoying scoping out the young men and giggling at hookers.
This gradient pink and nude Byblos dress is for the woman that wants to be noticed. It’s a dress meant for flirting and dancing and showing one’s best assets now that she’s taken her ex-husband’s.
Francesco Scognamiglio’s dark floral and polka dot dress is for the woman who’s a culture connoisseur/snob. She doesn’t smile until the second glass of champagne and likes to point out fake bags. When she’s in Monaco, all she talks about is Paris and in Paris just talks about Monaco. Animals and small children annoy her. She hates her friend’s pink dress.
It’s just the beginning of Milan Fashion Week so don’t despair if you don’t identify with any of these hypothetical women above; we’ll find you something to wear next Spring/Summer.